


You Meme A Lot to Me

by YouarethereasonIwrite



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Memes, Tumblr Memes, in the second chap, unsanitary mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-10
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-03-22 06:20:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3718324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YouarethereasonIwrite/pseuds/YouarethereasonIwrite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haikyuu AU in which Tanaka and Nishinoya shows their meme trash selves. Also, Tsukki is a secret memer too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i hate myself so much tbh  
> I'm supposed to be writing new fanfics and updating but no i gotta show how much of a meme trash i am  
> t his is so shitty

“That feel when no gf.” That’s the line that started it all. The line that had many questioning the sanity of one Tanaka Ryuunosuke and Nishinoya Yuu. They were changing in the club room before afternoon practice began, and the bald headed male started up a conversation on his scores on “Love Live”. Nishinoya instantly responded with a better score, his gloating smile egging Tanaka on before they both sighed.

“That feel when no gf.” Ah, there it was again. The fated line that brought everyone’s attention to the two boys slumped against the locker, already dressed (for once).

“What did you just say, Tanaka?” Daichi inquired, a fine eyebrow perched up at the weird saying his fellow team mate just uttered.

“That feel when no gf?” He repeated and the others shot the two baffled looks.

“What does that even mean?” Kageyama frowned, trying to understand the weird lingo his sempais had amongst them.

“It’s a meme.”

“What’s a meme?” Hinata jumps into the conversation, already (ironically but not surprising) hopping up and down like a baby crow. Tanaka and Nishinoya pretend they don’t see the fond look Kageyama directs at the jumping boy. They also pretend they don’t feel a pang of longing in their chests.

“Like something cool.” Nishinoya puffs out his chest, trying to hide the fact that even he doesn’t know the definition of what a “meme” was.

“Ok, but is this “meme” safe?” Sugawara butts in, a worried frown on his delicate features. Ever the mother hen, Sugawara unconsciously scoots closer to the first years, as if about to cover their ears if any of this “meme” talk became bad. Tanaka rolls his eyes as Daichi orders all of the team to stop slacking and run to the gym. Hinata excitedly launches question after question towards poor Nishinoya while a snickering Tsukishima and Yamaguchi lag behind.

“What other memes are there?!” Hinata bounces up and down and would have possibly flew away if Kageyama had not placed a firm grip on his (boy)friend. Tanaka joins them as the team begins to stretch and warm up for the practice.

“A lot.” Nishinoya responds with a nonchalant shrug as he stretches his arms to his toes. Hinata’s eyes are gleaming with respect and awe towards the two troublemakers as they continue stretching.

“Like?! How do I become a memer?!” Kageyama actually groans at his best friend’s loud exclamation and Tsukishima openly guffaws at the question. Sugawara looks like he’s about to finally turn into the old man he was destined to be with all the worry lines on his forehead (it was the gray hair). Daichi sighed. Asahi’s foot was inching closer to the doors, his eyes trained on the captain’s face.

“One does not simply become a memer.” Tanaka sagely replies, Nishinoya nodding with a grim expression on his face. Tsukishima almost busts a gut from all the laughter spilling out of lips as a frantic Yamaguchi frets over his best friend.

“What-”

“Ok! Warm up is over! We’re going to start running laps now! Stop slacking off, Tanaka, Nishinoya!” The captain bellows loudly, immediately halting all of the words about to spew out of the teenagers’ mouths. Everyone is quickly silenced as they jog outside of the doors to begin running laps lest they anger their captain further. As they’re running, Tanaka notices how Nishinoya practically glued himself to the ace’s side, chattering away about his games while said ace uncomfortably tried to make some space between the two.

“Oh, young love.” Tanaka sighs as he jogs easily, watching Hinata and Kageyama start up another competition before they take off. Tsukishima mumbles something to Yamaguchi and they both snicker to themselves.

“Tanaka,” the captain jogs up to him, “another five laps after the three laps we’re doing. Same to you Nishinoya.” Daichi directs to the libero and Nishinoya groans loudly.

“I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling attacked right now.” Nishinoya sighs loudly, Tanaka agreeing easily with his words.

“Shall I make it ten laps?” The raven smiles menacingly at the two friends and Asahi meeps before basically running away like the devil is on his heels (Daichi or even Nishinoya in this case). At the captain’s suggestion, Nishinoya and Tanaka shut their mouths and exchange amused looks. They pretend to not notice the way Daichi and Sugawara brush against each other now and again, and the loving looks on their faces whenever the other isn’t looking. Tanaka pretends to be distracted by Kiyoko, when really, he notices how everyone on the team were paired up except for him.

“There are troubling times in the kingdom.” He ominously whispers to himself.

“What was that, Ryuu?” Nishinoya snaps out of his besotted daze from gazing at the team’s ace. Tanaka swallows a sigh and the rest of his bitter feelings.

“Nothing, man.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It’s later in practice when the team is working on their serves and receives when the talk of memes come up again. Daichi exasperatedly sighs but knows he cannot stop the memes if he wanted to. Sugawara pats his shoulder, his hand staying on the captain’s five seconds longer than necessary. They both ignore their repressed feelings.

“Teach me, Nishinoya-sempai! Teach me rolling thunder!” Hinata begs and practically throws himself at the shorter’s feet in desperation.

“Oi! Idiot!” Kageyama snaps harshly at his best friend but it’s in vain. Hinata’s focus is solely on Nishinoya.

“Ain’t nobody got time for that.” Tanaka proudly and loudly proclaims. Nishinoya bobs his head up and down in agreement while a crestfallen Hinata pathetically scuffs the ground with his feet. Kageyama glares at both of them. They “eep” in sync while Hinata stares at the volleyball longingly, already forgetting about his rejection.

“I was just joking, Shouyo! Let your reliable sempai teach you “rolling thunder”!” Nishinoya pats the decoy’s shoulder harshly, nearly throwing the poor first year on the ground. Kageyama immediately helps up his best friend, his hand staying on the orange head’s hip.

“Aww, look! The king is looking out for his queen!” Tsukishima loudly teases, a smirk on his face. Yamaguchi giggles and hides his smile behind his fingers. Kageyama responds with a withering glare. It would have been more terrifying, if not for the scarlet painted on his cheeks.

“S-Shut up!” The setter yells, throwing his hands off of Hinata like he’s been burned. Hinata, ever the oblivious one, questioningly stares at his raven friend, wondering why Kageyama was completely red.

“Forever alone.” Tanaka starts up again and Nishinoya elbows him jokingly in the gut.

“Nah, bruh. Why you so negative?”

“Because I’m an electron.” Tanaka thanked social media for the witty comeback, and judging by Nishinoya’s deadpan, the shorter understood too.

“Are you fucking kidding me, bro?”

“You mad, bro?”

“Bro.”

“Baldy and Shorty! Get back to receiving!” Ukai yelled at the two and they both laughed before returning to the practice for the day. As they were waiting in line for their turn to serve, Tanaka gestured towards Kiyoko, who was chatting with a laughing Yachi. Nishinoya followed his gaze and locked onto Kiyoko.

“I crave that mineral.” Nishinoya whispers like a broken, dehydrated man who finally stumbled upon an oasis. Tanaka joins him in his weeping.

“Hey, Tanaka, watch ou-!” Ennoshita hollers but it’s already too late. The damage has already been done. Tanaka’s eyes grow wider as things begin to go in slow motion. The volleyball is flying towards him with amazing speed and the bald headed man knows he won’t be able to dodge it in time. In his last moments, he smirks at his pun, thinking, _I can’t doge it in time. OHHHHH._

“Ryuu!” Nishinoya screeches, falling to his knees dramatically as he pulls out his ipod and begins playing “Mmm Whatcha Say”. Tanaka shuts his eyes, feeling his whole life flash before him. He blearily opens them to stare at the devastated sorrow in his best friend’s eyes.

“Tell my wifi, I love her.”

“Don’t you mean wife?” Someone that sounded suspiciously like Tsukishima snickering, asked.

“No, my wifi.” Tanaka breathed out before shutting his eyes completely and letting the pain settle into his throbbing head.

“The feels, man.” Nishinoya sobs and begins throwing his fists against the ground.

“Oh my god.” Sugawara sounds like he’s about to throw up from all his laughing and Tsukishima isn’t doing any better. He’s laughing more than he’s ever before and Tanaka doesn’t know whether to feel offended or proud.

“Get up, baldy!” Daichi harshly kicks at Tanaka’s side, a killer smile etched on his face. Everyone disbands quicker than Zayne from One Direction and basically throws their teammate under the bus. Tanaka groans and opens his eyes once more, blinking a few times to adjust to the bright gym lights. Daichi’s glowing form reminded him strongly of a fallen angel, and Tanaka quickly jumped to his feet.

“I’m revived!”

“Ryuu!” Nishinoya pounces on him in a totally heterosexual way as they cling to each other.

“No bromo.” Tanaka whispers to his friend. Nishinoya nods in his chest as they embrace each other and cry. Sugawara manages to hold back the captain from completely murdering their asses with the broken broom they kept.

“If you don’t stop goofing around, I swear to god, I will make you run laps across the fucking country. Now, get back to practice!” Daichi yelps out the last part and storms away, his Karasuno jacket fluttering behind him like an emperor’s cape. Sugawara rolls his eyes at his dramatic (boy)friend and follows after him.

“Well, that escalated quickly.” Nishinoya and Tanaka voice out loud at the same time. They grin like idiots at each other and high five before running back to practice before Daichi could chew them out.

“Tanaka-sempai! Are you okay?” Hinata scurries over to them and worriedly glances at the bump on Tanaka’s head. The bald man grins and jabs a thumb against his chest.

“Fear not, orange one! I won’t fall that easily!” He begins laughing loudly, Nishinoya joining him as their cackles echo through the gym.

“Waaah! So cool!” Hinata jumps up like he’s about to do the freak set and lands on his feet with stars in his eyes. Kageyama looks torn between dropping the volleyball to go yell at Hinata or continue practice.

“It’s blood orange.” No one hears Tsukishima whisper to Yamaguchi or the giggles that follow afterwards.

“Oh my god, Tsukki.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

By the time practice is over, the duo of meme trash are hanging out in the club room, changing into their normal clothes and chatting about their ships.

“Ok, but Rinharu is totally canon.” Nishinoya shoots an offended look at Tanaka as he strips off his shirt.

“Um, no. Keep calm and ship Makoharu.” They both glare at one another as they change their pants at the same time. Daichi sighs and rubs his forehead tiredly, Sugawara already helping by massaging his captain’s shoulders.

“Sure, Jan.” Tanaka scoffs and closes his locker door. Tsukishima rolls his eyes from the back, already dressed and slouched against the lockers as he waited for his freckled friend. Yamaguchi laughs at a joke Hinata cracks while Kageyama and Tsukishima flinch, both denying the bubbling bitter feeling rising in their chests.

“Ok, but hear me out. Shark boy and dolphin boy were made for each other.” Nishinoya continues on the ship rant as the team walks outside after locking up the club room. They were on the obligatory trip to Ukai’s store to buy meat buns and maybe some popsicles since the weather was starting to become warmer. Tanaka debated on whether or not to strip off his shirt (for the ladies) but decided not to when Daichi glared at him.

“Yeah, no. Left shark isn’t going anywhere near dolphin boy.”

“Yeah, well your fave is problematic.” Tanaka gasped at Nishinoya’s harsh, stinging words.

“You take that back, man!”

“No way! Your ship is deader than Edward Elric’s mom!” Another sharp intake. Meanwhile, the rest of the team is pretending not to know them (minus Hinata who looked ready to jump over to his sempais if he wasn’t held back by Kageyama).

“Bruh!” The two were silent after that, both glaring at one another.

“Oh, thank god.” Someone voiced the team’s thoughts at the silence from both loud mouths. Daichi glared warningly at Tanaka and Nishinoya before they all headed into the store for the usual meat buns and maybe even ice cream.

“At least we can agree on one thing.” Nishinoya quietly mentioned. Tanaka met his best friend’s eyes as they both said the same thing at the same time.

“Reigisa.”

“Fuck.” Kageyama mumbles as his sempais start up another loud conversation of whatever this “reigisa” was. He exchanges irritated glances with his captain and they both shake their heads at each other with a heavy sigh.

“What is air?!” Tanaka screeches from the back of the store as he’s guffawing loudly with Nishinoya literally draped against him and shaking with laughter.

“Goddammit.” Tsukishima sums up the whole situation pretty well. Ukai demands they leave before they scared away the customers and the team exits the store with as much pride they could muster.

“Ne, ne! What’s reigisa?” Hinata, the unfortunate victim, decides to ask the laughing sempais.

“It’s a metaphor.” Tanaka waves the first year away with another round of chuckles and Nishinoya joins him, the two swaying back and forth like drunk hippos. Sugawara herds Hinata back into the sane part of the team before the younger one could utter another word.

“Ok, but like. Hi, I’m auditioning for Rei Ryugazaki and I’ll be singing “Butterfly” from DDR.” Nishinoya laughs at his own joke and Tanaka follows soon after. Tsukishima snorts from the back of the group as he eats a popsicle.

“They are not getting any meat buns.” Daichi childishly remarks and Hinata springs up and asks loudly if he could have the two extra ones instead. The captain shrugs and tosses the young one the buns, Hinata catching one with his mouth and the other with his hands, his cheeks puffing out much like a chipmunk’s.

“Hey! That was my meat bun!” Tanaka caught wind of the traitorous acts behind Nishinoya’s and his noble backs and instantly stomped over to the team that walked a few meters away.

“You were slacking off the whole day, Tanaka.” Daichi reprimands, chewing his meat bun slowly and torturing the bald man.

“Did you eat yours yet, Asahi?!” The ace freezes in his actions, his remaining half of the meat bun about to enter his mouth.

“Asahi. Finish it.” Daichi icily commands and Asahi gulps before shoving the meat bun in his mouth and weakly smiling at a pouting Nishinoya. Alarm bells ring in Sugawara’s and Daichi’s heads as Nishinoya’s pout turns into a devilish smirk.

“Nishinoya, no.” Sugawara gasps.

“Don’t believe me, just watch.” Nishinoya sings (badly). The libero doesn’t even hear the setter’s words as he uses Asahi’s tie to pull the taller one down and planted his lips firmly against the other’s.

“WHOA! NISHINOYA-SEMPAI AND ASAHI-SAN ARE KISSING!” Hinata screeches and Sugawara is quickly by his side, shielding the innocent decoy’s eyes. Nishinoya licks his lips after he’s done and beams at Tanaka like a predator who finally caught his prey. Asahi’s red down to his neck and hasn’t moved (or even breathed) for the past two minutes. Tanaka nods a job well done and adds a thumbs up as a bonus.

“I’m surrounded by homos.” Tsukishima declares.

“But, Tsukki, we’re da--”

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.” Daichi clears his throat, a slight blush on his tan face as he faces his team members.

“We’ll be heading this way. See you guys tomorrow.” The captain pulls a petrified Asahi with him, Sugawara smiling warmly at them all before heading in the same direction as his friends.

“Wow. Such kiss. Much awkward.” Tanaka elegantly explains their silent situation.

“I’m going to kill him.” Kageyama mutters and Yamaguchi and Hinata hold the setter back before he’s sent to jail. They kind of need him for the upcoming Interhigh.

“Don’t be upsetti, have some spaghetti.”

“I’ll fucking kill him, just watch me!”

“Kageyama, no!”

“Kageyama, yes.”

“You’re not helping, Tsukki--oh my god! I don’t think I can hold him any longer!” Yamaguchi yelped. At this point, no one else was left except for the first years and Tanaka and Nishinoya. Tsukishima rolled his eyes and drowned out all the noise with his headphones.

“Hoe don’t do it.” Tanaka yelped as a rage filled Kageyama charged towards him. Hinata pulled Kageyama back, the setter’s arm planted firmly against the decoy’s chest. The raven instantly stilled, red beginning to sprout over his face. Hinata whispered something into the setter’s ears and, with an angry huff, Kageyama kicked at Tanaka before heading back over to Hinata’s abandoned bike. The decoy quickly followed, the two whispering amongst themselves.

“Oh my god.”

“Eew, gross. Get a room, king.” The intimate whispers between the two escalated and Kageyama and Hinata were now in an intense wrestling match with their tongues. Yamaguchi quickly turned away, unknowingly burying his face into his best friend’s chest. Tanaka wolf whistled and pointed at the making out first years.

“Woot, woot! Go and get some, Yams!” Nishinoya announced through his cupped hands. The two lovebirds separated with a light smack of their lips, Tsukishima grimacing at the sight as he dragged his boyfriend--I mean, best friend away from the idiotic team members. Yamaguchi happily let himself be dragged by his hand as the two interlaced their fingers and walked away.

“Wait, Kageyama, where are we--?” Hinata exclaimed as he was dragged away by his new blushing boyfriend.

“Shut up, dumbass!” Kageyama snapped, which started up another round of bickering as the two walked away, shoulders brushing each other. As their backs grew smaller and the setting sun disappeared altogether, Nishinoya faced Tanaka.

“Well, that was an eventful day.”

“More memes tomorrow?”

“More memes tomorrow.” Silence.

“It’s not a phase, mom.”

“Oh my god.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nekoma and Karasuno meet. The Meme games have begun. May the memes be ever in your favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here you go you asspricks  
> i made a sequel bc my friend wanted me to and i had a good idea..  
> this one is longer than the first one fuCK  
> btw there's like only mentions of nekoma/karasuno whoops  
> it's like mainly Tanaka and his meme trash friends  
> ps. i know nothing about hangovers bc i'm a good girl that doesn't spend ten hours writing meme fanfics uwu

 

 

 

“Why are you wearing a fedora?” Yaku Morisuke, the unfortunate victim, asked with a slight furrow of his brows. Tanaka winked at the other setter, smugly grinning in all his fedora horror glory.

“The ladies dig REAL men.” Yaku shot him a confused look with a hint of disgust in there as well. Daichi smiled grimly at Tanaka with his eyes closed like he would be able to possibly murder the bald male using telepathy or something. Daichi was no match against nice guy Tanaka though. Before anyone questions why the hell Nekoma (from the fine city of Tokyo) was meeting up with Karasuno (from the fine countryside with maybe like ten cows), let’s just say it was all Hinata Shouyou’s and Kenma Kozume’s fault. The two were planning on spending the weekend in Hinata’s house since said boy’s parents were leaving for a mini vacation in bumfuck nowhere and Natsu was having a playdate with one of her friends. Which left Hinata to want to spend time with two of his favorite people in the world: Kageyama Tobio and Kenma Kozume. Word got out, Tanaka and Yamamoto demanded to visit Hinata’s house, and then the decoy’s house was filled with the whole volleyball club from both his team and Kenma’s team.

Hinata’s house so happened to also have many game consoles, one which included the notorious “Wii” that many would stab a bitch to play one of its noble games. Obviously, real men play manly games. Real men play “Just Dance 3” (dubbed as “Just Die 3” by Kenma, who played with Kuroo) on the Wii with their totally heterosexual friends in a totally “no homo” way. Bromo was allowed in the shirtless party, however.

“M’lady.” Tanaka tipped his hat to an unimpressed Kiyoko, who merely gave him a blank look before following Yachi to a more private area. For totally heterosexual reasons, of course.

“Please shut up, Tanaka.” Sugawara all but begged. He remembered the war flashbacks of that one day that no one dared talk about lest Nishinoya and Tanaka began their meme reign.

“Ryuu! Someone snuck in some alcohol!” Nishinoya, the ever reliable comrade of nice guy Tanaka, yelped out.

“You are not drinking alcohol.” Sugamama crossed his arms.

“Come on, Sugamama! Live a little!” Nishinoya laughed heartily as he chugged down a plastic, red cup full of alcohol and fruit punch.

“YOLO!” A high pitched voice hollered and Tanaka glanced over to the cause of the loud screaming. Hinata, in all his half naked glory, jumped into his laundry basket before pushing himself off down the stairs, screaming gleefully (and rather drunkenly) as Kageyama yelled at his boyfriend to not injure himself (for volleyball reasons, obviously).

“Oh, dear.” Sugawara muttered to himself as he noticed a fuming Daichi march his way over to the first year boy and pluck him out of the laundry basket. More screams and chaos ensued as the silver haired male sighed and made his way over to his boyfriend.

“Hey, Tanaka!”

“Yamamoto!” Tanaka greeted his meme bro with a bro fist. In his other hand, the bald headed male drank out of his cocktail glass filled with mountain dew and vodka with a dorito chip garnish. Yamamoto grinned and held up his own cocktail glass filled with monster energy drink and rum, dorito sprinkles inside the liquid concoction.

“Man, Tanaka, this party is too cool for school!” The male paused, both of the bald headed duo exchanging sly grins. “WHAT’S COOLER THAN BEING COOL? ICE COLD!”

“ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT!” Nishinoya joined the conversation with a barely sober sway of his hips. The raven stared behind him at Karasuno’s ace with a shaky, yet sultry, grin that made said ace smile back weakly in response. Well, before he ran away to the kitchen. Nishinoya grinned.

“GOTTA GO FAST!” He yelped, taking another swig of the last of his alcohol before chasing after his fleeing prey. Tanaka nodded his head wisely. Let the memeing begin.

“Tanaka, you should play with my balls. Wait, shit, I mean--” Yamamoto, in his half drunk stage, flailed his arms dangerously and showed his volleyball, which was behind his back.

“Man, put that shit away. We’re here to play “Just Dance 3”, not do some sack whack.”

“Dude. We should totally play. Like right now.”

“Bruh.”

“Bruh.”

“Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.”

“.....Shut up and let’s play “Baby One More Time” on the fucking Wii.” Tanaka led the way towards the large tv with Yamamoto in tow. They both grabbed (stole) the Wii remotes from a protesting Inuoka and Lev.

“Hey! We were here first!” Lev, the giant, whined. Tanaka briefly wondered about how ironic it was for such a large body to contain such a tiny, peanut sized brain. The alcohol buzzed in his mind, erasing the thought quickly as he crossed his arms and glared at the two younger ones.

“My legs are not qwoperating!” Yamamoto screamed in the background as stepped onto a random lego piece on the floor, completely ruining the tense atmosphere Tanaka created. “Tanaka, my man, my bro, the meme of my life. Tell Kiyoko…. “be the cheese to my jerky, we’d really worky”...”

“Yamamoto!” Tanaka gasped in horror as Yamamoto passed out, a small tear falling dramatically out of his closed eye. The bald headed male fell down to his knees before yelling in pain. For in his knee, another piece of lego hell was embedded into his skin.

“I took an arrow to the knee…” He knew it was too late to apologize… To Yamamoto. To himself. Tanaka gulped up breaths, inhaling wildly as he grasped onto Lev’s shirt.

“What.”

“Noot noot.” Lev’s face morphed into a confused one as he stared at his boyfriend with Tanaka’s hand still clinging onto his shirt.

“What the fuck?” Yaku, who was watching the whole scene go down, shot a worried look at Tanaka. Maybe the man needed therapy? Yaku personally didn’t know many places to go to said therapy, but at this rate, Tanaka and Yamamoto needed a fucking life. Yaku sighed.

“I’ll go get Daichi and Sugawara…”

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

Tsukishima Kei had no fucking idea why the everloving fuck he was at this party at Hinata’s house. So far, the only things that happened was someone brought alcohol (shitty beer too like what the fuck? Tsukki considered himself a man with better taste than most of these fuckers), half of the room got drunker than the whole country of Ireland, Hinata nearly broke a bone(r) with Kageyama screeching, and Tanaka, Nishinoya and even sphynx cat man were spouting memes more than Kageyama’s bullshit.

Tsukishima sighed. At least his boyfriend was having fun. Speaking of said freckled boyfriend, where the fuck is--? Oh shit. The blonde paled. Yamaguchi was fucking drunk off his ass, plastered on an uncomfortable looking Kenma, who looked torn between throwing the brunette off or possibly suffocating himself with one of the empty barf bags.

“Oh, fuck.” The tall middle blocker whispered to himself as Yamaguchi puckered up his lips and proceeded to plant a large, wet smooch on the blonde setter’s mouth. At this point, Tsukishima could see Kenma’s soul floating out of his dead body. Rest in pieces, pudding cat.

The middle blocker walked over to his clingy boyfriend--known as the kissing machine by his older brothers when they accidentally got Yamaguchi intoxicated (on Tsukki’s love)--and abruptly yanked him from the dead setter. He patted himself on the back, knowing that Yamaguchi would be grateful that he didn’t commit necrophilia.

“Oh, hey, Tsukki…” Yamaguchi smiled dumbly up at his boyfriend as Tsukishima dragged him to a quieter, empty room. The brunette started pawing at his boyfriend, whining for attention with teary eyes and puckered lips.

“Yamaguchi, stop.” The blonde grunted as his boyfriend attempted to grope his butt, yet again. Yamaguchi merely giggled as he was laid down onto a bed.

“Oh my god.” Tsukishima raised a brow at his boyfriend’s sudden, shocked expression. “Are we going to do the diggly daggly friggly doo?” The blonde smacked a hand against his head and groaned. Yamaguchi giggled again, staring up at the ceiling and waving at his “friend”, Sachiko. This was going to be a long night.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

“Yeah but like, why are sandwiches always cut into like triangles?” Tanaka paused as he hiccuped before his eyes grew wider. “Oh my god, it’s the illuminati symbol.”

“Wake up, America.” Yamamoto supplied in the idiocy. Daichi sighed at the two team mates. Luckily, he banned the alcohol and managed to hide them away. Unluckily, most of the team couldn’t even stand on their feet without tripping over air.

“We’re in Japan, Yamamoto.” The captain sighed once more as Yamamoto’s eyes grew larger.

“Holy fuck. Mind blown.” Sugawara groaned as Nekoma’s ace made a blowing up noise and used his hands to emphasize how “mind blowing” it was that they spoke Japanese since they were babies and lived in an island also coincidentally named Japan. How “mind blowing” indeed.

“Hey, Yamamoto. We never played “Just Dance 3”.”

“Dear god, no.” Sugawara frowned at Tanaka’s words.

“Talk memey to me.” Tanaka pretended to play a sick trumpet solo.

“Do us all a favor and kindly shut the fuck up.” Daichi rubbed his temples with a growing frown on his face.

“That feel when they make the spaghetti.” Tanaka slurred before groggily sitting up. He stood up, the world swirling around him before landing back down on his knees. The male crawled his way over to the tv, the Wii remote lying harmlessly on the ground.

“What are you doing.” Daichi stated. His frown increased, making him look like an old man that would scream into a mailbox. Yamamoto trailed after his companion with enough dignity as a bro could with dorito bits (that exploded) on his face.

“Wii Wii, baguette, Eiffel Tower.”

“I give up.” Daichi shook his head before leaving the living room to go search for other disasters caused by his team mates. Sugawara amusedly rolled his eyes at his overdramatic boyfriend before settling down into the couch, his phone’s camera ready and pointed at two specific people.

The duo of bald eagles launched the game (somehow) before scrolling through the song list. As the familiar beat of Britney Spear’s song played out of the speakers, Tanaka pulled off his shirt and fixed his fedora, Yamamoto copying his actions of stripping down. Tanaka picked the character with short, blonde hair and a red cheerleading skirt while Yamamoto chose the one with a purple cheerleading skirt.

“Are you Freddy for ready?”

“Inhale my dong, enragement child.” The music began. Four players were lined up on the screen as the incoming, yellow dancers indicated which dance moves were about to happen. Tanaka grunted, attempting to follow along with the preppy cheerleaders (he totally didn’t imagine his character as his sister), following the movements with sluggish swaying and barely intelligible gibberish spilling messily out of his lips. Sugawara snickered in the background, but a fine man like Tanaka ignored the setter. He wouldn’t understand anyway.

“Oh baby, baby. I shouldn’t have let you go…” Yamamoto sang with a heavy accent, in English. Tanaka, not one to be outdone, opened up his mouth to sing as well.

“Show me, tell me how you want it to be…” He mimicked the fictional character on the tv, his movements accidentally syncing up with Yamamoto, resulting in “oks” from the television. Glaring, Tanaka thrust his arms up in the air harder.

“This is fucking gold.” Sugawara laughed from his spot on the couch. He kept videotaping the half naked drunkards with sadistic glee. This was good blackmail.

“The dress is obviously black and blue, Suga.” Tanaka informed while dancing.

“Just show me how well you can dance, Tanaka.” The silver haired male giggled, zooming the camera onto the drunk smile of the bald headed male. Flashing a smile behind him, Tanaka mouthed the words of the lyrics while waving his fists into a large circle.

“Free them.” He slurred, pointing at the characters on the tv. Yamamoto nodded, eyes glazed over and fixated on the television as if it held all the answers to his math final.

“Give me a sign… Hit me baby, one more time!” As those words blared out of the speakers, Tanaka quickly stroke a confident pose, his hand holding the Wii remote in the air, while the other one sassily rested upon his jutting out hip. Yamamoto followed suit, one hand pointing at the screen while the other one sat on his hip as well. Sugawara guffawed loudly in the background.

“There are actual tears in my eyes, oh my god.” The silver haired male commented in the video, sniffling a bit from the waterworks.

“THIS ONE’S FOR KIYOKO!” Tanaka yelled out after the second time he posed. “My loneliness is memeing me!”

“And I.” Yamamoto sang in the background. Sugawara nearly fell off the couch from all the laughing.

“I must confess, I still belieb.”

“Still belieb!”

“When I’m not with you, I lose my hind. Give me a line! Give me maybe one more meme!” Tanaka ended with a dramatic flourish of his arms before collapsing onto the floor. Sugawara clapped his hands, smiling like a proud sports mom watching her baby kick it on the field. Yamamoto bowed deeply at the waist, grinning like an idiot the whole time.

“Thank you, thank you! This was for the snutie, Kiyoko Shimizu! Who is she? She’s beauty, she’s grace--”

“I’ll hit you in the face.” Kiyoko interrupted as she appeared out of nowhere. Sugawara rose an amused brow at her, seeing as she didn’t exactly look presentable. The manager was not only missing her glasses, but her hair was messy (unlike the straight--ha!--waves they fell in), and her lips were completely red.

“I came out to have a good attack but I’m honestly feeling time right now… Wait, did I say that right?” Yamamoto wondered to himself, looking down at his fallen bro, who was drawing hearts on the computer bag he was laying on. Tanaka giggled.

“I’m in me mum’s car. Broom, broom.” Yamamoto joined in, nearly shitting himself from their soberless laughter. Sugawara and Kiyoko exchanged amused looks and fond sighs.

“Where’s everyone else?” The silver haired male questioned, a worried frown immediately replacing the amused smile from before.

“Bees?!”

“In THIS economy?!” The two rational ones ignored their drunk friends (though friends seemed a little too much. Maybe allies. Comrades? Acquaintances?).

“Your boyfriend had a drinking contest with Kuroo.”

“No.”

“Yup. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are probably in another room, Hinata is making out with Kageyama, Lev is playing ping pong with Inuoka and the other first years in Nekoma, Kenma is probably in another room somewhere, Ennoshita, Narita, and Kinoshita are having a threesome, and Asahi and Nishinoya are banging in the bathroom.”

“Kiyoko!” Sugawara shrieked, horrified. He really didn’t want to know what his team mates and/or rivals were doing. Especially if it was each other. The raven shrugged.

“I’m going to bed. Night, Suga.” The manager left without another word, nodding at a few people that gazed at her before disappearing up the stairs.

“Tuesday again? No problem.” Tanaka muttered, winking and making an “ok” symbol with his hands.

“It’s a Saturday night, Tanaka.” The silver haired male patiently explained as he sat back down on the couch and tried to erase the thought of his teammates banging each other against the wall. He shuddered.

“I need to go pee!” The bald headed male suddenly yelped, dragging himself off the floor as fast as a highly inebriated male could. Before the setter could do anything, the wing spiker was off and running to the nearest door that looked like a bathroom. All the other doors were closed as well, so Tanaka, in his intoxicated state of mind, quickly picked one that would possibly have a toilet and no Nishinoya x Asahi doujinshi reenactments.

“Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down. Never gonna run around and desert you…” The male sang to himself as he opened the unlocked door and stepped in. As he glanced up, everything froze. The only thing that he could comprehend in his hazy mind was that a) it wasn’t the fucking bathroom, b) Yamaguchi and Tsukishima were together in this room, c) Yamaguchi was on top of Tsukishima, and d) it wasn’t the fucking bathroom.

“Uhh…” For the first time since Tanaka met the snarky asshole by the name of Tsukishima Kei, said asshole was speechless. Tanaka connected two and two together (much like Tsukishima was about to connect his puzzle piece to Yamaguchi’s) before screaming. Loudly.

“OH MY GOD. MY EYES. MY HETEROSEXUAL EYES.”

“Tanaka, you’re bi.”

“THE FIRST YEARS ARE GETTING IT ON LIKE DONKEY KONG.”

“TANAKA. SHUT UP.”

“What’s going on?!” Sugawara yelped, bursting into the room with an anxious furrow between his brows. Just as quickly as he had interrupted the love fest going on in the room, the silver haired male’s worried face morphed into a shocked one. His face was half pale from the scene before him and half embarrassed, resulting in some weird white haired anime probably about to die look that only the setter was able to pull off.

“Fuck.”

“That’s what you were about to do.”

“Tanaka, shut up.” Tsukishima snapped, pulling the covers over Yamaguchi and his forms. The brunette had already passed out and snuggled up to his boyfriend, who reddened a bit.

“Beautiful cinnamon roll too good for this world… Too pure…” Tanaka mused out loud, watching the freckled angel sleeping on his blonde, grumpy oven of a boyfriend.

“Tsukishima.” Sugawara firmly stated, staring at the tall middle blocker with a serious glint in his golden eyes. The blonde gulped. “Did you use a condom?”

“What.”

“You know? Safe sex is best sex?”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Tsukishima grumbled grumpily.

“So did you? Did you wrap your willy?”

_“What?”_

“Did you wrap your tool? Remember Tsukishima, sex is cleaner with a packaged weiner.”

“Fucking hell, Sugawara.” Tsukishima blushed, using the blankets to hide his red face. Sugawara snickered, waving at his beloved kouhai.

“Well, I’m sure nothing happened here anyway since Tanaka so happened to yell for the whole house to hear that you two were making love.” The setter snickered again.

“I’m going to bed. Go away.” Tsukishima muttered, diving under the covers and shooing them away with one hand. Tanaka dazedly looked around as Sugawara dragged him out of the room and turned off the light for the first years.

“He scream at own ass.”

“That’s nice, Tanaka. The bathroom is this door. Yell if you need anything.” Sugawara led the poor man to his bathroom haven to release his inner self to reach toilet nirvana.

“Swag.” Tanaka muttered and waved at the silver haired male. The setter rolled his eyes and walked away to go check up on the rest of the house because Sugawara Koushi was one hell of a mother hen. Meanwhile, the other male in the bathroom examined his surroundings and noticed two things: 1) the lack of Asahi and Nishinoya (bless) and 2) there were pictures of Hinata’s family all over the fucking bathroom and they were all going to watch as Tanaka relieved himself in their pristine toilet with matching grins on their faces. Marvelous. Luckily, the male was way too fucking drunk and bloated in the stomach to give two fucks about anything other than toilets and shitty memes.

“Go to the bathroom, they said. It would be easy, they said.” He muttered to himself as he unzipped his pants, pulled down the clothing restricting his mayonnaise cannon and began to empty out his flesh prison. After zipping back up and somehow managing to flush the toilet without falling head first into the bowl, Tanaka stumbled his way to the sink and began washing his hands with the nearest bottle. Since there were like a thousand bottles all over the sink, he picked up the one that would probably hold washing liquid.

“I’m doing this for you, Nicki Minaj.” He whispered, slathering up his hands with the “Apple Blossom Wonder” Lotion before washing it away, along with his regrets and pain. He was a new man. Staring up in his reflection on the mirror, Tanaka nodded at his double before tilting his hat to himself. Black dots were beginning to dance around his drowsy eyes, so he trudged over to the bathtub, imagining himself as a bath bomb. Giggling (like a REAL man), Tanaka lowered himself into the bathtub and stared up at the ceiling, his eyes blinking multiple times in a sad attempt to stay awake (almost as sad as his denial of being gay).

“It’s ogre.” He whispered to himself, smiling peacefully and drowned himself in the thoughts of his meme reign.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

“I already said I was sorry!” Tanaka complained as he sat down at Hinata’s dining table with a plate of pancakes (cooked by Sugamama himself) in front of him. Tsukishima glared at him, arms crossed in the 90’s bad boy anime cover pose.

“You fell down on my laptop and walked in on me and Yamaguchi. I also got a fucking sex talk from Sugawara when I woke up. A simple apology isn’t going to fix anything, Tanaka.” The blonde pointed out. Tanaka grumbled unhappily at his stack of flapjacks, drizzling the fluffy goodness with REAL maple syrup made from REAL Canadians. Hinata’s family sure had class (Tanaka ignored the fact that he woke up from a bathtub and the first thing he noticed was a million pictures of Hinata’s family staring back at him with serial killer smiles. Needless to say, he was scared shitless. Good thing there was a toilet nearby).

“God. I don’t fucking deserve this. I don’t deserve Tsukishima’s Luigi death stare.”

“I heard that, fucking moron.” Tsukishima snarked, pointedly refusing to even stare at his sempai at this point.

“Where the fuck is the Advil?” An exhausted, irritated voice demanded, interrupting the tension in the kitchen as a small person walked into the kitchen and came into sight.

“Hey, Yuu. You look like shit, man.”

“No fucking kidding, bro.”

“Like, you look as dead as Hide.”

“Fuck you.” Nishinoya muttered, going around the kitchen and standing on his tippy toes to try to search for some pain relievers. Tsukishima snickered from his gloomy corner of the kitchen while glancing outside the window, seemingly lost in thought (little did they know, little Tsukki here was a romantic at heart).

“I can’t fucking reach anything. Goddammit! Ryuu. Fucking hold me, man.” Nishinoya whined, holding his arms out and heading towards Tanaka’s seat.

“Kay.” The bald headed male shrugged and accepted the hug, embracing his best friend in an attempt to soothe his throbbing head.

“Is hold.”

“I hate you.” Tsukishima glared at the libero this time, silently cursing the memes for ruining his life and for plaguing the minds of innocent young men such as himself. He’s a kind man that never hurt anyone in his life so why was this happening?

“Why don’t you have a headache, bro?” Nishinoya chose to ignore his kouhai (wise choice) and glanced up at his friend with curious eyes.

“Dunno, man. I got up and felt like shit but after eating these pancakes, I feel like I’m watching season two of “Eternal Summer” all over again, bro.”

“That good?”

“Hella.” Tanaka fed his friend some fluffy pancakes while Nishinoya eagerly nibbled on the sweet cakes of pan.

“Oh, good morning Nishinoya!” Sugawara whispered, considerate of the other’s most likely throbbing headache. The libero grinned at the other as the setter walked back to his cooking station to make more obligatory pancakes.

“Yo, Suga. How was the morning sex?”

“Just fine. What about you?”

“Oh my god. I was joking.”

“So was I.” Sugawara hummed happily, looking way too glowy and happy to be joking. Nishinoya and Tanaka exchanged horrified looks and shuddered simultaneously. As Sugawara began cooking up a feast for a village in China, the two volleyball teams filtered into the spacious kitchen area, crowding around the large dining table (how rich was this Hinata kid?) and communicating through a series of groans, grunts, and “fuck me’s”.

“Hey, Tanaka.” Yamamoto greeted before slumping ungracefully in the empty chair next to his meme trash friend. Nishinoya waved, stuffing his cheeks with the stack of pancakes he received from the lord and savior himself in the form of Sugawara Koushi.

“Fist me bro.”

“What.”

“Bro fist, man.”

“Oh.” The duo bumped fists with each other. Tanaka returned to eating his breakfast while Yamamoto contemplated life and his decisions while staring at the wood carvings on the table. Sugawara suddenly popped out of thin air in a frilly pink apron and another plate full of pancake goodness as he set it down in front of Yamamoto.

“Good morning, Yamamoto.” The silver haired male smiled at the ace and the bald headed male basked in the sunshine of Sugamama’s infamous, warm smile. “Nishinoya, you have pancake all over your mouth.” Sugawara chided, using a napkin he had from god knows where and wiping the mess away. Satisfied, he smiled and beamed at the trio before leaving to go attend to other unfortunate members with matching headaches.

“....Is he taken?”

“Daichi.” Nishinoya and Tanaka answered at the same time without even looking at the ace of Nekoma. They got that question a lot.

“Ah.” Yamamoto sulked, crestfallen at the thought of Kiyoko, Yachi, and (now) Sugawara all already with someone else.

“I feel you, bro.” Tanaka nodded with a wistful tear in his eyes. Yamamoto silently wept along with his bro, as the two dejectedly ate their pancakes.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

“I still say you should pay me back for my broken laptop. And for ruining my life with your shitty memes and even shittier face.”

“Chill.”

“The only thing chill in here is the fucking temperature.” Tsukishima ignored the “ice cold” Nishinoya yelped at them as they practiced serves in the gym. The blonde wondered what it would be like to serve the two males with a volleyball right in their annoying faces.

Obviously, it was a Monday. And the team managed to make through the hellish weekend (after Daichi lectured them all and Tsukishima ratted out the person who brought the alcohol. It was Tanaka) full of chaos, hangovers, and possible boning.

“Dude, I have like no money.”

“Dude. Does it look like I give a shit?” Tsukishima rolled his eyes and blocked a serve Tanaka was about to awesomely spike down and rub in the blonde’s face. The bald headed male glared at the other with his “delinquent eyes”.

“Can’t I just give you like a piece of candy or something? Maybe a few places to call for therapy?”

“Oh, _haha_. Look, baldie. The least you can do is apologize.” Tsukishima pressed on and Tanaka grumbled to himself.

“Our friendship is totally ogre.”

“....Can I kill him?”  
  


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

It wasn’t until later (like a week later), that Tsukishima received an envelope in his shoe locker and at this point in time, he had completely forgotten about his cracked laptop, the memes, and possible homicide (not really). The upside was that his older brother helped pay for a new computer. The downside was that Tsukishima Kei now found himself with a dumb letter with his name on the back in cursive and girly stickers stuck all over the piece of paper. Sighing, he combed his hair through with his fingers and opened up the envelope.

“Hey, Tsukki! What’s that?” Yamaguchi questioned curiously, eyeing the envelope and trying in vain to push down the jealousy from his boyfriend with a possible fan confession letter.

“I really don’t want to know.” Tsukishima replied with a frown etched on his face. He regretted opening the damn letter. Inside, there were two pieces of paper. One was the size of some sort of dollar bill in crude green crayon and the other was a regular college size piece of paper like a letter.

“Read it, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi excitedly exclaimed when he recognized the handwriting from one of their teammates. The blonde sighed. However, he was as whipped as whipped cream on a scrumptious cake, so he obliged and began to read aloud.

“Dear, ~~buttface~~ Tsukishima, I’m sincerely sorry for all the trouble I caused you, my dear ~~Pepe~~ friend. I swear much like Kageyama swears at his lovely boyfriend, Hinata, that I did not mean to crush your laptop. ~~Hell~~ In fact, to show my deepest apologies, I would like to give you a humble gift that yours truly worked so hard upon. I’m also ~~not~~ sorry that I accidentally walked in on you and your fair maiden when I was searching for the bathroom. Please ~~suck my dick~~ forgive this sad, sad fool and I hope you will find it in your ~~ice cold puny fucked up shitty what heart?~~ heart to overlook my actions. I just want you to know, you ~~meme~~  mean so much to me. Love, Tanaka Ryuunosuke.”

“Wow. Wait, look, there’s more!” The brunette pointed eagerly at the last few sentences on the paper. “Read it, Tsukki! Read it!” Yamaguchi hugged his boyfriend’s arm overzealously with mirth evident in his sparkling, brown eyes. Tsukishima begrudgingly tore his gaze away from his (beautiful) boyfriend and back to the dumb paper. There was a red kiss mark next to Tanaka’s name and the blonde cringed in disgust at it.

“P.S. I have given you fifty dollars to repay your laptop charges. I also wrote you a long, heartfelt story about how sorry I am and what happened. Please read it aloud to emphasize my actions and the hardwork I put into it.” The middle blocker checked the dollar bill, a part of him a bit (a lot) doubtful at the money that Tanaka happened to give him. Knowing his sempai, it was fake. Tsukishima groaned when he pulled out the piece of paper that was the size of a dollar bill.

“Oh my god.” Yamaguchi snorted and laughed heartily against the blonde’s arm. Tsukishima fought the urge to punch something, a certain something that had a bald head, sharp eyes, and a piercing, delinquent grin when they wanted to.

In front of the blonde, in a beautiful, puke green color, was the “dollar bill”. On it, read: “A crisp meme buck” with a bunch of 50s written all over it and a picture of Pepe wiping away a tear was scrawled messily across the paper. Tsukishima’s eye twitched. Yamaguchi muffled his loud chortles against his boyfriend’s school uniform.

“You’ve got to be shitting me.”

“Please read the story. Oh my god.” Yamaguchi practically begged as he snorted and burst in a fit of giggles again. Tsukishima rolled his eyes but turned the paper over to read the story Tanaka wrote for him anyway.

“Nitori was nitorious for landing himself in trouble. What he didn’t expect was for him to be seated on some sharktopus creature who began living in Nitori’s bathtub. Ok, what the fuck?”

“Keep going!” Yamaguchi urged.

“Fine.” Tsukishima sighed and blew out some air. “‘Thank for the help,’ the creature spoke up with a husky voice. Nitori gulped and nodded. ‘No problem, bro,’ Nitori whispered. ‘Now, I shall repay you,’ the sharktopus said as its tentacles wove around Nitori’s body. ‘What are those?’ Nitori painted (what the fuck) as the tentacles spread--whoa. Ok, I’m done.”

“Holy shit.” Yamaguchi gasped, grabbing the paper and reading the rest of the story. Tsukishima rubbed the bridge of his nose and tried to clear the mental, scarring images away.

“I fucking hate him so much.”

“HOLY SHIT.” Yamaguchi flung the offensive paper away from him with wide eyes. Tsukishima caught the paper before it could fly away and land in another victim’s line of sight. Lord have mercy on them.

“Lord have mercy on us.” Tsukishima whispered to himself as he folded the letter and shoved it back into the envelope. “We’re burning this monstrosity.” The blonde announced, stuffing the envelope into his backpack and creating a mental note in his mind to pay Tanaka back for the suffering he caused him.

“Tsukki…” Yamaguchi wailed. “All the tentacles…”

“Shhh…” The blonde soothed his scarred for life boyfriend and pat him delicately on the head. “I’ll go ask Sugawara for therapy places.”

Later that night, instead of burning the shitty letters, Tsukishima hung up the meme dollar with Pepe’s glorious face and copied the horrifying fanfic Tanaka wrote, along with his letter. He snickered, sending emails to all of Karasuno and all the volleyball teams they ever played against with the email’s subject as, “IMPORTANT VOLLEYBALL MATCH” in bold letters. Sitting back in his chair, Tsukishima assessed his work with a satisfied nod.

“Welcome to my twisted mind.”

 

 

 

Bonus (the whole fanfic Tanaka wrote):

Nitori was NITORIous for landing himself in trouble. What he didn't expect was for him to be seated on some sharktopus creature who Began living in Nitori's bathroom.

"thank for the ehlp" te creature spoke up with a husky voice. Nitori gulped and nodded.

"Np bruh" nitori whispered

"Now i aha ll repay you" te sharktopus said as it's tentacles wove around Nitori's body

"wut r dose????" Nitori painted as the tentacles spread his legs like he was giving birth.

"I'm a sharktopus-half shark half ocotpus eggcept dese tentacles are actually m y dicks" 9 dick man explains

":O" nitori gasped as the shark man's crotch yogurt slinger spewed out ink onto Nitori's bat cave

"relax Nisan" dick man hums with exc itement

"uhhhh" nitori squeals like a pig as the tentacle sausage invades his soccer goal

"Awww yeeeee" shark boy purrs even tho he not a cat

"aaaAAAAAHHHH" nirori yelps in pleasre as the DNA rifle pounds into pound town. 

"C-c-c-c-call me rin bby" ren grunts like shrek and norori nods quikcly. They don't last long as Ron pushes 2 more long 100% beef thermometers into Nicory's momuth a nd another 1 in nitori's swiss chees....

"MmPFFJFJFJFJFJFJJ" nicotine screams as his dingaling spurts out mayonaise like a sprlinker

"boooOOOYAAAAHHH" run hollers and his 9 weapons of ass destruction weepo out milk tears into nemo's chocolate starfish.

"IMMA LUIGI BITCTCHCHCCHC" niyori screeched like LUGI in mario kart. They both panted from the high as len slipped his his baloney ponies away from neyo

"Wanna go agAIN????" Rint smikred and nitori smiled weakly

"Imma gonna win" he whsipered.

Ren s smikr grew bigger much like his Jurassic pork. 

"Ready for a sharking experience"

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tsukishima always gets the last laugh


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Follow the Meme gang as they discover San Japan and the true treasure in their hearts. Each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my eyes hurt from typing this... and not just bc it's an abomination to this world... we would have been so much better without this chapter...
> 
> sorry if it isn't as funny/is worn down bc like midway (jk like way before that) i basically lost inspiration but i just wanted to get this out of my folder so i typed up the rest of this bs bUT NOW ITS TOO LONG AND IT'S TWICE THE LENGTH OF THE FIRST CHAPTER OF THIS NASTY SERIES. I'M SO DONE WITH MYSELF I CANT EVEN
> 
> ANYWAY. Sorry for grammar mistakes, plot holes, etc. But then again this is basically crack??? So not sorry. Goodbye world I am gone.
> 
> PS. s/o to enyo on anon for inspiring this fic. what have you done and pps. hmu @ suckmyaphnordicks on tumblr if you want..........................................

 

 

In retrospect, Tanaka should have expected this. After about ten million pictures (he never said he was fucking good at counting, especially not when running on less than four hours of sleep), he was so fucking done with people that he wanted to forfeit and run back to Japan with his tail (do frogs have tails?) in between his legs. Beside him, in all his amazing glory, his best pal Nishinoya Yuu grimaced after yet another person asked for their picture.

“Hey, I really like your costume. Can I take a picture of you two?” Nishinoya shrugged, both him and Tanaka repressing a sigh in order not to offend this American. Asians were brought up to be extra polite, even if they didn’t want to, after all (the Japanese in particular). Tanaka wanted to smack the other male on the back of his slicked down head. Instead, he got into place with Nishinoya, the two of them embracing with Nishinoya facing the camera and Tanaka facing the other way (at least his ass looked nice in the picture).

“Thanks, man.” The fiftieth memest of memes waved at them, chortling the whole time as he ran off, no doubt to show off the ten pictures he took of Nishinoya and Tanaka. They sighed simultaneously.

“I didn’t sign up for this, man.”

“What she says: I’m fine. What she really means: I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling attacked right now.”

“Haha, nice one!” Some random bro did that weird “guns pose” with his two hands before moving on with the rest of the crowd. Tanaka wrinkled his nose. This was not the kind of recognition he wanted. He wanted the babes, dammit! Not the pasty ass heterosexuals who traded “no homo’s” back and forth as they wrapped their arms around each other. If there was any guy going to be checking out Tanaka’s fine body, it sure as hell should be some hot stud with like fifteen piercings, an eagle tattoo, and a sleazy smirk (which was beginning to sound more and more like punk Kuroo. Tanaka mulled over the thought for like ten seconds before returning to staring unabashedly at pretty female cosplayers).

The duo sighed deeply. They had insisted on separating from the “less cooler” parts of the group of their volleyball club and they didn’t want to have to look for Sugawara, or god forbid, Daichi. They kind of valued their lives after all. Though after this whole “every step I take, every move I make, they’re fucking watching me and want my picture” scenario, the two friends were more than willing to find their friends and hopefully run into some cute people in the way (or die trying to find them. Literally.)

“Hey--” Someone started, and Tanaka and Nishinoya instantly bust their ass trying to escape from the fucking entrance of the artist alley. Yeah, they didn’t make it past the entrance because some random ho began yelling out memes at them from a distance as they walked with the throngs of people. Green paint really stood out, Tanaka mused.

“Is this how people feel when we start to do our meme reign?” The taller of the two wondered aloud, trying his best to not keep eye contact with anyone lest they stop the duo in order for a (he visibly shuddered) photo. Nishinoya waved at a cute Marco Bodt cosplayer, who waved back as they yelled, “nice costume!”.

“Fuck if I know, bro.” The shorter male paused. “But yeah, probably.” He finished it off with a nonchalant shrug and they continued on their merry way. Tanaka thanked the heavens and every single deity known to man when his phone went off, and he quickly snatched it out of his pocket from his tiny red shorts. At least they had bigger pockets than all girls’ jeans in existence. Luckily, him picking up his phone seemed to deter people from interrupting his phone call, and they steered clear of him, though the multiple stares following the two were starting to creep them both out.

“Hello?” He spoke in Japanese, hoping no one would run up to them screaming, “you speak Naruto?!”. There was a bit of breathing in his ear, and he internally flinched.

“Oh, Tanaka!” Thank fuck for Sugawara. “I was just calling to see where you guys were. Sorry, it’s a little loud.” Ok, but “a little loud” seemed a little far-fetched to Tanaka, who tried to make out the words from his phone. All he could hear was random garbling, and he swore he heard yet another person yell, “juST Do IT”.

Sugawara seemed to move out of the noisy area as the noises around him died down a little. “We’re at the game center right now. I don’t know how long we’re going to be here, but personally, I think for another hour or so.”

“What? Why?” Tanaka gasped shrilly. “Did you meet a hot girl?!” Sugawara sighed.

“Tanaka, we are all different flavors of homosexual.”

“Yeah, but, you’re like like pan and so is your daddy.”

“TANAKA.” Sugawara coughed loudly, choking on his words at Tanaka’s bold, wise statement. Nishinoya probably quirked an eyebrow at the sudden shouting from Tanaka’s phone, but it was a bit hard to tell with his “forever alone guy” mask glued on his face. Tanaka merely shrugged, waving at his adoring fans, who were adorable. And he wondered why people didn’t want to date a hilarious, amazing man such as himself.

“Ok, but is Kiyoko and Yachi still with you?!” Fortunately for him, Tanaka remembered the important details of this phone call from his personal mother. Sugawara recovered from his five minute long coughing fit (Tanaka really didn’t want to know) and sighed in exasperation. Tanaka could just imagine the silver haired mother hen rolling his eyes deep into his skull.

“Sorry, Tanaka.” He sounded not sorry whatsoever, the gay traitor. “They left a while ago to go to a panel in the Hyatt, I believe.”

“Which panel was it?!” Tanaka yelped in desperation. He could fucking hear Sugawara shrug.

“I don’t know, Tanaka. Sorry.”

“Stuffs breadsticks frantically in my purse. I’m sorry, I have to leave immediately.”

“What does that even--” Sugawara’s sweet voice was cut off by Tanaka as he abruptly hung up. A tiny silence commenced between him and his bro.

“So, do you think the food court sells breadsticks?” They both exchanged a wary look with each other.

“Let’s just go to Olive Garden or something.”

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“We’re not going to Olive Garden.” Daichi sternly said with a stern frown on his stern face. Tanaka pouted underneath his mask. As if sensing the amazingly adorableness of one Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Daichi glared at him.

“Why not?” Nishinoya whined, dragging out the “not” as they alternated between Japanese and English, confusing every single bystander near them on the outside of the game center. Asahi sweat nervously at all the attention gained on them, and he continued to inch further and further away from their boisterous group. Well, that, and Daichi looked about ready to murder them with all the dad tools he had in his grasp (which involved like ten pamphlets, fifteen maps of the place, and a random screwdriver).

“Because there’s no Olive Garden close to the convention center!” Daichi threw his hands up in the universal sign of “I give up on you idiots”, nearly taking out Ennoshita with his wild arms. Sugawara was immediately by his boyfriend’s side, a soothing shushing coming from his mouth as he massaged Daichi’s shoulders. The raven became as whipped as whipped topping when his lover placed his hands on his body (bad thoughts, Tanaka).

“Sorry, Nishinoya. We can try to get Olive Garden the last day of the convention.” Sugawara offered, Nishinoya beaming through the holes in his mask. Sugawara appreciated the effort anyway.

“Where’s the first years?” Even after Tanaka and Nishinoya graduated from high school and fell into college hell (not as bad as high school but still), they continued to call their year younger friends, “first years”, despite said friends already being in the last year of high school. Anyway, Tanaka really wanted to see their cosplays since Tsukishima was a jerk, Yamaguchi merely shrugged coolly (he became like ten times hotter as he grew older. Who knew freckles could be so damn attractive? Tsukki knew, the smug bastard), Hinata stuttered something that wasn’t a language, and Kageyama’s glare was as bad as Donald (read: Duck) Trump running for president. Yes, that bad.

“Hinata and Kageyama went off to either make out in the bathrooms, using the “I need to fix my cosplay” as an excuse, or to hopefully, peacefully participate in a panel.” Sugawara paused, ignoring the scandalized look shot from Asahi. “And I think Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are somewhere either in the artist alley or the dealer’s.”

“Oh! What’s Tsukishima cosplaying as?! The ass wouldn’t tell me.” The silver haired male lit up at the mentioned male, a coy smile playing on his lips. Tanaka could literally feel himself messing with danger.

“He told me to give you this if you asked.” Daichi chuckled at his boyfriend’s words, and Tanaka felt himself in dashcon drowning in the pee filled ball pit all over again. Daichi laughing was not a good sign. Daichi laughing meant an Asian drama was gonna happen: death, cancer, finding out you were related to your lover, and ten hours of crying over fictional characters.

“Oh no.” Ennoshita whispered, flashbacks of the sickness he felt welling up in his stomach at the contents on the paper. Tanaka and Nishinoya shared a worried glance as the former carefully opened up the letter like one would handle a baby’s fresh diaper.

“Say it. Say it out loud.”

“No one wants your fucking Twilight references, Nishinoya.”

“This is a cinnamon roll. Love this cinnamon roll.” Nishinoya countered to Daichi’s dad remarks as he pointed at himself. Tanaka ignored them as he began to sweat as much as the one tall character from Attack on Titan.

“One, two, three, four, I declare a meme war.” His sick rhyme halted Nishinoya and Daichi from tearing at each other’s throats (or more accurately, throwing insults at the other like the teenagers in “Mean Girls”).

“Five, six, seven, eight, factoid just a statistical error average hte spagheti only meant well but MMM Whatcha SAYYYY that you ordered none pizza with left mineral? Sure, Jan, very wow, the feels are the zodiac killer’s aesthetic when he puts the bath bomb in the ball pit.”

“Oh god.” Ennoshita looked like he was going to puke again. Even Daichi faltered, a permanent frown etched on his face as he stared at Tanaka like he was crazy. The wing spiker merely shrugged, gesturing towards the sacred piece of abomemeation in his hands.

His casual appearance morphed into the usual glare/grin he gave to enemies on the “war front” (aka volleyball matches). “It is on like Donkey Kong.” He whispered ominously. Sugawara, Daichi, Ennoshita, and Asahi gave each other wary glances. They silently mourned the rest of their “fun” trip in San Japan and cursed Kinnoshita and Narita for being “too busy” and leaving the rest of the group to be stuck with the memers.

“I’M REALLY FEELING IT!” Yup, Kinnoshita and Narita were lucky bastards.

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****  
  


“Oh hey, it’s Akashi Seijuurou, Midorima Shintarou, Murasakibara Sushi, Aomine Daiki, Kise Ryouta,  and...” Tanaka pretended to look at his green hand for smudged writing. “Kuroo Tetsuro.” The named cosplayers blinked at him once. Twice. Thrice.

“Oh my god.” The cosplayer as Murasakibara said, facepalming as he clutched his bag of doritos to his chest, which may or may not have reminded Tanaka of that one fated night with Nekoma at Hinata’s house. Memories. Sweet, sweet, horrifying memories.

“Now that I’ve hit my meme quota, can I take a picture of you?” The wing spiker held up his phone, and to his sadistic glee (it’s been a _long_ day), the small group of Teikou cosplayers huffed before getting back into character. Tanaka took at least three pictures on his smartphone before waving at them in all his Pepe glory.

“Ryuu!” Nishinoya returned from talking to a cool cosplay of the pyramid head from _Silent Hill._ He made a clicking noise with his tongue as they embraced like the guys from _Brokeback Mountain_ (but gayer). Tanaka barely registered the sound of a camera going off, but he ignored it in favor of holding his favorite bro. In the background, he heard someone yell: “GAY” and merely flipped the bird in the general direction of the shout.

“Yuu, I got the skittle crew to pose for my picture!” Yeah, Tanaka secretly liked basketball anime. And baseball anime. And that one cycling anime that no one ever really remembers. And that one swimming anime (which was admittedly Tanaka’s favorite). Honestly, he was a bit upset that there wasn’t a volleyball anime, because come on! Volleyball was the best sport, everyone knew that (oh the irony)!

“That’s awesome! I was just talking to that one cool pyramid head guy from _Silent Hill._ I just love the way he…” Nishinoya clenched his fist. “Punishes people.”

“You took the words right out of my mouth, broseph.”

“Bro.” They turned away from the baffled Teikou cosplayers, who were all just standing there while one of their members was packing their stuff. Regardless, Tanaka and Nishinoya stopped at every single stall, both trying to resist buying anything from the artist alley before they discovered the goodies in the dealer’s room as well.

“Is that a…?”

“Oh my god.” The duo squealed as they rushed over to the stall where a certain skirt was hung up. With starry eyes, they gazed at the wonderful piece of fabric with longing eyes and clenched fists.

“This is the best thing I’ve ever seen. Everyone go home…. It’s… Ogre.” Nishinoya declared, pointing at the skirt with _Steven Universe_ characters all over the dark purple clothing.

“Yes, hello. How much is this?” Tanaka pointed at the wonderful skirt with adoration clear in his eyes. The stall owner regarded him with bemused eyes as they stated the price. $35. Fuck it. Tanaka would ask to work at Ukai’s again to bring back the money he lost (and would inevitably lose in the next three days).

“I’ll take it!” Nishinoya and Tanaka both stated at the same time. They glanced at each other with betrayal in their eyes. This was fucking war.

“I just want to point out one thing here. When was the last time the boy bought something for himself in a teen romance? Has it ever happened ever? I seriously think it might not happen ever.” Nishinoya crossed his arms as the meme spewed out of his mouth like a juicy fart out of a butthole. Tanaka narrowed his eyes.

“Meet me in the pit, slime man.”

“Oh it is on. Harry Potter fandom, grab your wands. Supernatural fandom, grab your salt. Doctor who fandom, grab your--” Tanaka quickly intercepted as he turned towards the stall owner and their friend, who were both wearing confused smiles and a surprised quirk of their eyebrows.

“Hello, potion seller. I am going into battle and I need only your strongest potions.”

“They can’t hear you, bro. All they hear is--” Nishinoya proceeded to make a jumble of noises like that one pink dog from that one creepy cartoon that scared the fuck out of Nishinoya and Tanaka when they first began watching American cartoons. “And that’s Igloo Australia rapping.”

“I don’t think--” The stall owner said, only to be cut off by more memes. The two were snapping back and forth like a Johnny Test episode with enough whip crack noises to last them a century.

“You’re part of the sneople! You’re no crystal gem! You’re…” And right on cue, Nishinoya’s phone went off, which also so happened to be a huge scream of, “John Cena!!!!!” as epic music played in the background.

“No.” The stall owner’s friend (or was that person the stall owner??) whispered as the other person began to cackle.

“Hello?”

“This is not happening.” The audience of two muttered to each other. Tanaka easily slid on top of the table, a killer smile on his face. He gestured to the skirt with a large wink that made him look like his eye was twitching from lack of sleep (it probably was).

“I’d like to have one, please.” Nishinoya roughly elbowed him to the side and Tanaka whimpered, but grinned with water in his eyes at the artist. They shrugged and motioned for their helper to hand the Pepe cosplayer a skirt, which was done after a few minutes of digging past other art prints.

“That’ll be $35.” Tanaka easily slipped two twenty dollar bills towards the artist, who gave him five dollars back in change with a slight smile on their face. He whooped, cuddling the new skirt against his bare, naked chest and trying desperately not to tear up in his mask. No need to make the green paint leak.

“You better let me borrow that.” Nishinoya glared at him. Tanaka shrugged. He didn’t see why not.

“Why don’t you just buy one?” He asked.

“My mama said I gotta come home right now, immediately.” Tanaka nodded his head wisely. He didn’t want to worry Sugawara at the moment. They both held hands as they walked away from a bewildered stall (more like stalls… Tanaka and Nishinoya were loud when they proclaimed their love for memes… And each other).

“What are those?!” Nishinoya screamed as they were walking into the dealer’s room, where Daichi and his posse of gay men were supposedly waiting for them at.

“Back at it again at Krispy Kreme!” Tanaka yelped suddenly. Then he attempted to back flip (which actually didn’t land him into a hospital trip, surprisingly enough) and managed to stink the landing with his arms splayed out like he was trying to become a flying eagle. People stared, obviously. They also took pictures and videos. Amazing.

“And now to the weather.” Nishinoya piped up. The duo of meme fuckers ooed and aahed at all the different displays of anime merchandise, ranging from family friendly posters (though the nearly naked Erza from Fairy Tail was really cutting it close) to not so family friendly anime body pillows with shitty waifus that were either completely naked or like barely clothed. Tanaka was a real man though, and real men didn’t subject themselves to fictional characters with lewd expressions on large pillows. Nishinoya didn’t even spare the body pillows a glance (they all looked way too much like little girls, and Nishinoya had like five younger cousins. Of course he would be uncomfortable).

They passed by a guy dressed up in a trash can that said: “your waifus are shit” and lots of printed out sheets with anime girls on it. Tanaka sagely shook his head back and forth, an insult already at his lips.

“Not all waifus.” He murmured to himself. He knew the truth but at what cost?

“Look at that peasant over there.” Nishinoya swung his head over to a male holding a completely nude 12 year old looking girl with boobs the size of Russia. Tanaka shook his head once again, his faith in humanity crushed underneath the weight of sexism and capitalism.

“Bone titties are better…”

“Especially in the skeleton war….”

“When will my husband come back from war…?” Tanaka faked a sad, sad girly accent (like that time he pretended to be a blonde girl giving him chocolate at a volleyball game?? Those were some good times) as he hung his head.

“Ok, but time out for a second. How are we going to like find them in this crowd?”

“Let them come to us, Yuu…” A few moments passed. A few more moments passed. And they still couldn’t fucking find “Do or Dai” or his motherly boyfriend, “Sugar” by Maroon 5.

“This calls for drastic measures.” Tanaka spoke up solemnly. They both exchanged determined looks. They both cupped their hands like a microphone around the hole where their mouth was, and screeched, “SUGAWARA KOUSHI IS A TERRIBLE PERSON!”

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?!” Daichi’s captain mode was turned on (like Sugawara turning--ok shutting up) and he stormed around wildly, a murderous glint in his eye. “I’LL FUCKING TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB, YOU HOOLIGAN!”

“There he is.” Tanaka and Nishinoya chorused, heading over to the livid captain and Sugawara who was trying in vain to calm down his angry bull boyfriend. The bald headed male quickly turned away from the PDA and begin surveying the area for a very tall person next to a little shorter person with chocolate hair and cute freckles. He came up empty. In frustration, he stomped his feet against the floor childishly.

“I give you a hamburger… And this is how you repay me?!”

“Ryuu…. Chill.”

“I AM AN ETERNAL FLAME, BABY!” Asahi promptly fled with Ennoshita on his heels. The only ones still in tact from the public embarrassment was Sugawara, Daichi, Tanaka, and Nishinoya. They finally all calmed down as silence ran over the group.

“So, wanna get a hamburger or something?”

“Yeah I saw some from the food court.”

“I’m going to pour sparkles in my coffee!”

“Nishinoya… Why?”

“For the aesthetic.” Cue face palming from the only sane members (but also not as fun) in their small group.

Tanaka clicked his tongue in irritation. He shook his head for like the tenth time today. “Only REAL 90s kids remember.”

“...Tanaka… Shut the fuck up.”

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Like ten overpriced hamburgers later, the group was finally full and ready to explore the dealer’s room for real this time (that and find Asahi… They didn’t want another Ikea incident to happen). Tanaka disregarded the few furries around him, and instead, focused on the anime figures in front of him, which were exactly right next to a huge poster shop. Nishinoya was checking out the poster shop, and seemed to be enjoying his time. Said male stepped out of the stall with a large poster in hand and a larger smile on his face.

“Ryuu! Look at this!”

“Unf, I’d tap that.” Tanaka responded, gazing longingly at the _Black Butler_ poster with Ciel from like Nightvale or something and some really attractive demon ghost who oddly enough, kept making the bald headed male think of that stupid golden piss dorito chip with one eye and a top hat that honestly, only teeaboos would probably wear. Still, shiny red eyed guy was attractive.

Nishinoya stared at him like he grew two heads before bursting into song. “Why the fuck you lying? Why you always lying? Mmm oh my god! Stop fucking lying!” Tanaka rolled his eyes at his overdramatic friend. It’s not like he was 100% lying, god Nishinoya, stop being so insensitive!

Before he could respond with some witty meme (that he honestly overuses), something stopped him in a flash. Literally. His eyes widened. His palms grew sweaty. His body began to shake uncontrollably. His face grew paler than the moon’s butt cheeks.

“No.” He whispered. So this is what the face of death looked like. This is what failure felt like as he sunk to the bottom of this hell and tried to crawl his way back up. He averted his eyes, in tender hopes of it all being some sort of dream.

“Hey, Pepe.” Nope, it was all real. The same ugly snicker and smirk was on his face, even though the mask partially hid his ugly mug. Tanaka wished he could punch the smug asshole in the face.

“Tsukishima… We meet again.”

“I’m not Tsukishima… I’m the Flash.” And cue the dramatic “dun dun dun” as well as people shrilly gasping. Except no one would understand them anyway because they were, well, speaking everything in Japanese. Whoops.

“Oh my god! They’re Japanese!” Shit. They had to make their escape before some person with intense yellow fever began to try to talk to them. With murder in their eyes, but grimness in their frowns, Tsukishima was gone in a flash, as well as Yamaguchi, who just hung back the whole time their banter was going on.

“Stop being photoshopped surprised Patrick and let’s go!” Tanaka hissed at his stunned friend, who instantly bounced up from his stupor and fled the place. They could easily see Tsukishima now, with his flashy red and yellow costume, and Yamaguchi’s lanky, hot body trailing to his right. They barely made it out alive, but thank god.

“Just to be clear…” Tsukishima panted as they were resting in the artist’s room on the round tables of the made up “cafeteria”. “I didn’t run away because of some peasants. I ran because I saw a Lucario on my phone.”

“Holy shit, seriously?!”

“Tsukki’s just not being honest with himself.” Yamaguchi rolled his eyes, ignoring the betrayed glare from his boyfriend. “As usual.” He added to the salt on Tsukishima’s wound. The blonde merely grumbled and turned his head away.

“Ok, whatever. Hi, Yama, you’re like hot as usual.” Blondie’s glare intensified.

“Hey, Tanaka. Nice costume. You too, Nishinoya.” He indifferently stated, flicking his long bangs back from his face. His hair was in a messy ponytail, and he was just as hot as ever. In addition to that, he became more confident over the years until he was super cool and popular with everyone due to his chill and caring attitude. God bless Yamagucchi Tadasshi.

“Thanks, sweet buns.” Yamaguchi shrugged off the attempt at flirting and sipped at his water bottle.

“Okay, so what are we going to do now?”

“Where’s short stack on meth and the King of Assholes?” Tsukishima asked. In the distance, they could hear repressed feelings, homosexual tension, and gay happenings.

“You take that back, Kageyama!”

“Make me, runt!” They were probably going to kiss. Well, it got silent again, so they were probably making out and making 7005495 straight white boys uncomfortable.

“Looks into the camera like I’m in _The Office.”_

“Can’t you guys go one hour without saying memes?” Yamaguchi inquired in exasperation. So far, he had to hear about every single fucking meme in the world from Tsukishima, who also somehow knew about like every country’s memes (like what the fuck is a “cheeky nandos”?). And honestly, the brunette didn’t want to hear any more bullshit or else he’ll just about snap and possibly break up with his boyfriend. Puns were great. Memes, not so great.

“Now all of China knows they’re gay.” Said boyfriend said emotionlessly. Yamaguchi resisted the urge to punch himself.

“Really? China?”

“Nope! It’s Chuck Testa!” Yamaguchi sighed heavily against the cool table top, his blonde asshole boyfriend quirking an eyebrow underneath the mask at his behavior. The brunette waved his concern away and tried to focus on the moving crowd. A certain two people, one with long coffee hair up in a messy bun, and the other a raven with their hair parted in the middle (which was kind of gross in real life, but anime made it look a lot better. He supposed Ennoshita pulled it off fine).

“Is that---”

“Nice legs, daisy dukes, makes a man go noot noot!” Nishinoya sang with hearts in his eyes (in his mask???).

“What the hell???” Yamaguchi was seriously worried for his friend’s --he glanced at Tsukishima for a moment and found him saying, “it’s fucking imagine touch the sky is, you ignorant slut!”, and sighed deeply --and his boyfriend’s mental wellbeing. Perhaps he could gang up with Sugawara and they could all attend therapy lessons? Lord knew he would need it by the end of the trip.

Nishinoya was dragging over his boyfriend (when he left, he would never know) with Ennoshita as the third wheel. Tanaka waved at them cheerfully, chanting, “FedEx and USPS are my OTP,” over and over again. Wasn’t that the shipping carriers? So why was Tanaka calling them his one true pairing? Yamaguchi clutched his head in agony. He finally understood his sempais’ pain.

“Hi, Ennoshita.” Yamaguchi greeted him in exhaustion. Ennoshita gave him a sympathetic smile. He was slowly becoming the brunette’s favorite person.

“Wanna go check out some stalls with me?” He offered like the second Sugawara Koushi blessing the earth with his holiness. Yamaguchi leaped up to his feet immediately, quickly pecked Tsukishima on the lips, and then hauled his ass out of the meme fest while Asahi watched them with betrayed looks.

“Beeettraaaaayyyyyaaaallll….” The older male whispered, but he was unheard due to the loud chatter of the convention. He inwardly cried. It was going to be a long day…. He could only hope Sugawara and Daichi were looking for them.

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Sugawara and Daichi were not looking for their rowdy teammates. If anything, they were relaxing together, hand in hand as they walked out of the cool conditioning of the convention center and out into the blazing heat. The humidity almost felt as bad as Japan. Almost.

Anyway, they pushed past the doors of a cafe like area, which was in the Hyatt Hotel, and walked casually through the lobby before heading up the escalators after being told the elevators were not allowed for convention people basically. They shrugged and made their merry way up the escalator quickly, their hands still entwined sweetly. Nothing could ruin their lovely date, far far away from their obnoxious team members!

“Race you to the top, Bakageyama!”

“You’re on, dumbass!” Sugawara closed his eyes and shook his head sadly, hoping to all gods he heard the names wrong. Maybe someone else with Hinata’s and Kageyama’s exact voice and way of talking and names were in this hotel instead of their friends. Security guards were beginning to yell, and Sugawara wept.

“I’m going to kill them.”

“Daichi, no.”

When they reached the top of the floor, they noticed Hinata and Kageyama sitting on their legs and staring down at their knees. Daichi rubbed the bridge of his nose angrily, and huffed out the boiling air from within. The security looked confused, probably because they didn’t have such a way of apologizing in America.

“We’re sorry!” Kageyama and Hinata yelped at the same time.

“Okay, that’s okay! You can get up now!” The previously angry security guard just looked confused this time. Daichi and Sugawara decided to relieve the poor staff member as they walked up to their friends, who both beamed and then deflated at the looks on their sempais’ face.

“We’re sorry about our friends.” Sugawara smoothly said, beaming at the person who blinked at the cute silver haired male with an eye mole. The security guard nervously scratched at their chin before nodding hastily, a red hue dancing across their cheek bones.

“R-Right! Just make sure it doesn’t happen again!”

“We’ll make sure of it.” Sugawara promised, his innocent smile still on his face as he waved at the retreating person’s back. When he turned around, however… The freak duo meeped in horror, the color in their faces draining almost instantly.

“What have I told you about running up escalators?” Sugawara asked with a honey sweet smile. The duo gulped nervously.

“Not to.”

“Very good, boys!” Sugawara’s sickly sweet grin faded. “You’re not allowed to buy anything at all today.”

“But--” They were both silenced at the silver haired male’s warning smile.

“Wonderful! Now, Daichi and I are going to a panel, and I expect you two to go find Tanaka and Nishinoya, understood?”

“Yes, sir!”

“Good!” His arm looped around his boyfriend’s, Sugawara turned around to walk over to a panel, only to stop suddenly. “And if I hear you two are in trouble again, I won’t hesitate to take away your volleyballs.” Sugawara Koushi was not only the angel of holiness, but the god of destruction. Hinata and Kageyama laughed nervously as the intimidating couple walked away, their figures disappearing with the masses of people.

“It’s not like he’ll know if we get in trouble, right?” Hinata pointed out. Kageyama opened his mouth to reply, but shut it when both his and Hinata’s phone buzzed in their pockets. Confused, they looked at their phones, only to pale at the message.

**From: Sugawara Koushi**

**Subject: None**

**31/07/2015, 1:45pm**

**yes i can**

They fled the hotel building.

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Finding Tanaka and Nishinoya wasn’t hard. They also managed to find Yamaguchi and Ennoshita wandering around by themselves at each stall. They refused to go back to the group for the time being, however, so the freak duo moved on without them. Hinata and Kageyama found Tanaka, Nishinoya, Tsukishima, and Asahi in the game room after scouting the whole cafeteria area from Yamaguchi’s advice and unable to see any of them. Luckily, due to their one track minds, huge competition, and love for games, they stumbled into the game room without any protest. Both their eyes grew huge at the sight before them.

So. Many. Games. They snapped out of it. First, they had to find their friends before Sugawara slaughtered them before they could actually have any fun. Still, they bickered along the way, their fighting drowned out by the overly loud games being played and people talking. Tsukishima was playing a game of something similar to DDR, but using his hands instead. Not only that, but the asshole had his usual headphones on, meaning he was so fucking good at the game that he didn’t need the music and he could listen to other music without being distracted.

“Asshole... “ Kageyama spat.

“Stupid talented bean sprout…” Hinata muttered under his breath. Tanaka and Nishinoya were about two games down and playing DDR against one another, a small crowd forming around them as Asahi cowered to the side.

The meme duo finished with a flourish of their hands, panting against each other as they got off the game pads of the intense, Die, Die Revolution dancing game (wasn’t there like a meme about like France France Revolution or something?). One of the viewers stood up to the two cosplayer meme bros with a snooty snort.

“You call that DDR? I can do better than you noob scrub.” Tanaka and Nishinoya glared holes into the person’s soul as Nishinoya crossed his arms. The raven opened his mouth.

“What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Qaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in guerilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.” The person who insulted the both of them (probably as a joke to make them look cooler or something) blinked. They opened their mouth to retort, but found they couldn’t find any good insult they could burn the duo with. The people who actually recognized the meme either snorted or burst into a fit of giggles. Either way, the crowd around Pepe and that one feels guy dispersed eventually so.

“How in the fuck?” Kageyama elegantly asked, dumbfounded. Nishinoya and Tanaka fisted. Bro fisted. Yeah.

“I just told you, Kagay, here wait. I’ll have you know--”

“Okay, stop!” The setter’s frown grew deeper as he closed his eyes and turned his head away. Probably in shame, disgust, and pain. Hinata’s eyes were starry eyed as ever as he bounced around the sempais, showering them with compliments and literal sunshine. Kagayama’s frown deeped, if possible.

“Look, can we just get out of here? I’m getting a bigger headache from the loud music.”

“Aww, can the King not stand a little background noise from us peasants?” Tsukishima flashed Kageyama a smirk. The raven was too tired too snap back and instead, shrugged.

“Whatever excuse works, honestly. I just want to get the fuck out of here.” The Japanese boys began to move out and probably alternate between the artist alley, the dealer’s room, and the Hyatt hotel. Kageyama didn’t care. He just wanted to play volleyball already, dammit!

“Sooo….” Nishinoya began. Kageyama groaned. He was the only one in their small, knit group that was sane apparently. “What do you think the last meme of 2014 was?”

“Fuck me.”

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“Somebody once told me!” Nishinoya broke out into that one _Shrek_ song that everyone loved for a while, then hated, then ironically went back to loving??? Anyway, at least the group was finally back together. Hell, even Kiyoko and Yachi were here, and that meant their group didn’t stand out as totally gay!!1!!!1!1! Haha, no they looked even gayer.

“Why are you quoting Shrek?” Sugawara politely asked with a polite smile. Tanaka smirked.

“Better out than in, is what I always say!” He laughed hysterically at his joke while everyone else eyed him with disgust (other than Nishinoya and Hinata).

“What? Not going to join Tanaka-sempai’s _Shrek_ phase?” Kageyama sneered at his long time rival, blonde asshole flash drive.

Tsukishima snorted. “Please. I have better taste than in that green monstrosity.” The raven couldn’t help but agree with him this time. For normal people like him, anything was better than Shrek.

_“Bee Shrek Test In the House!”_

“I stand corrected.” The blond suddenly said. Kageyama hates him so much.

“According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly.”

“What is he--”

“Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.”

“I think he’s quoting the _Bee Movie_ …” Asahi added in his input, which was the first time he actually talked during the whole trip to this San Japan fiasco. The older people of the group nodded along, but only Tsukishima rose a thin eyebrow (over his mask because duh, if anime shows your fucking eyebrows can be seen over your bangs, than obviously it applies to real life with masks) at the suspicious statement.

“Asahi-san… Did you watch the _Bee Movie?”_ Asahi made a distressed noise in the back of his throat resembling a dying battery controlled stuffed animal/doll and paled. He began to sweat nervously; so nervous that he was oiled up and ready for baking (??).

“Yes…” Asahi’s voice was tinier than they way he presented himself. “It was a good movie!” The previous ace defended himself, waving his hands in front of him back and forth. Kageyama rolled his eyes. Hinata kept bombarding the poor male with more questions of how “great” the movie was. Sugawara and Daichi made fun of him with Ennoshita as some sort of regular hazing exercise. And Tanaka and Nishinoya wept in joy for their friend/boyfriend. Yamaguchi just kind of wandered off and joined a new group.

“I can’t bee-lieve this!” Tanaka exclaimed.

“Yeah, I know right? Honey, I love you even more!” Nishinoya attempted to tackle his boyfriend, but missed when Asahi ducked.

“Guys. There is fucking bestiality in the movie.” Tsukishima said with open disgust.

“Don’t you mean bee-stiality, Tsukki?” Tanaka winked. The blond shivered in discomfort. Meanwhile, Kiyoki and Yachi, and Sugawara and Daichi were acting like actual couples and pretending to ignore their idiotic teammates as they trailed behind, each going their own pace and stopping by different stalls. However, they still kept a sharp eye on the troublemakers, just in case.

“I kind of want to go to the Hyatt Hotel to see what panels there are.” Nishinoya mused. The rest just rolled with him since they had nothing better to do. That, and Tsukishima lost his boyfriend to a bunch of other people, Kageyama and Hinata couldn’t buy anything anyway, Tanaka needed to protect his smol friend, and Asahi really didn’t have any choice, did he? Ennoshita just joined so he wouldn’t always be the third wheel. Maybe he could hang out with Tanaka?

So, the group marched on over to the hotel. It was honestly not that long of a walk, but a lot of people meant things were going to get a loooot slower. Like slug slow. Like someone throwing themselves in front of someone else to save their lives from a gunshot in slowmotion slow. People really needed to walk faster. Or stop asking for pictures in the middle of the damn way. Tanaka nearly punched someone when they asked him for a picture. Instead, he just politely said he would be willingly to do so outside and the person agreed, luckily.

Once outside, Tanaka and Nishinoya embraced in the hot Texas heat with enough humidity to peel their paint, and wailed internally, externally, and eternally. Afterwards, they dove inside of the fancy hotel (it was like 5 star or something) and reveled in the air conditioner spewing across their hot bodies. Tanaka ignored the ogling of his hot, toned body and proceeded to go to the lobby, where his asshole friends basically were walking in after they abandoned them to go inside instead of waiting like actual friends as they took a picture. Goddammit. This is why Tanaka wanted to go to Aoba Jousai.

However, before they could call out to their friends, they noticed a few things. One, Tsukishima was literally separating from the group and turning around to head back to the convention center. Weird. Two, Ennoshita actually looked panicked. Like he was usually a super chill person who looked like a neat drug supplier (it was the hair. No one parts it in the middle unless they do drugs man) who works at the hair salon on weekends. Three, Asahi was covering his eyes. Four, Hinata and Kageyama looked really close to each other. Like, so close little kids would be screaming, “cooties!” or something. Oh god. It was happening.

“NO KISSING IN MY LOBBY!” Tanaka screamed, running up and throwing people out of the way to reach his young crows. They were much too young to be doing such indecent things such as… lip locking! In public! What kind of hooligans were these kids?! He sure as hell didn’t raise them! And Daichi and Sugawara didn’t seem the type to adopt so soon yet.

His yelling caused him to be scolded thoroughly by a security guard. Dammit. Hinata and Kageyama fled the scene, mingling in with the crowd like spies. Damn them. Damn all these traitors… Nishinoya stood by his side, the only comrade he had left from the war.

“Thanks for sticking with me, man.” Tanaka said as they walked outside of the Hyatt.

“Yeah, no problem dude. You stuck by me in my Mishapocolypse phase.”

“That was some freaky shit.” Bad flashbacks, bad.

“Whoops.” At least the old libero seemed sheepish. Never talk about the Mishapocolypse. Never. Anyway, they wound up finding their friends, Ennoshita being a psychologist to Asahi, and Tsukishima talking to some random person, who was probably itching to take their technology devices in order to snap a photo and either keep it in their albums or upload it on the internet so the whole world could see. Lovely.

“--and do the second picture with me.”

“Oh, I remember that meme!” Tanaka froze at the word meme. He was closing in on Tsukishima. The walking flashlight hadn’t really participated in this meme war, and as far as Tanaka was concerned, he and Nishinoya were winning by a landslide. Still, Tsukishima seemed to have a bigger secret hidden under his actually pretty well made costume sleeve, and Tanaka was as suspicious as he could get. He waited until the person snapped two pictures until he wandered over to the two of them, a friendly grin on his sad, Pepe face.

“Hey, Tsukki! We were just looking for you! Oh, hey random stranger I haven’t met! Did you take a picture of my best friend, Tsukki?”

“Uh, yeah... “ The person was a bit creeped out by the Pepe cosplayer who was nearly kissing them with his mask.

“Can I see it?!” Tanaka yelped in glee as he swiped through the iPhone. The first picture was the random stranger with his arm held out, like he was having a single armed hug with a ghost. Oh no. Flash. The smirk. The reason why Tsukishima wasn’t really participating in the meme war…

His finger trembled as he swiped to the next picture. It was the same photo, but this time, with Tsukishima, the Flash, in it. He handed back the phone with dull eyes. “A picture without flash. A picture with flash. A picture without flash. A picture with--”

“I win, Tanaka.” Tanaka realized he was right. As much as Pepe meant everything to any known memer, Tsukishima used an ancient meme, the memest of all memes. The first internet meme to ever be known to memekind… The Flash.

At that moment, his phone went off. “Mmmm whatcha saaaay? Mmmm that you only meant well? Of course you did…” He dramatically fell to his knees, the most broken look in his teary eyes. He sobbed viciously, his body spazzing at an unhealthy rate.

“Um… Is he okay?” The person asked worriedly. Tanaka couldn’t hear them past his heartbreak. Nishinoya embraced him from behind, and together, they slowly backed away from the scene they were making and back into the convention. Even as they walked together, hand in hand while Ennoshita and Asahi hung in the back behind them, Tanaka still felt cold and numb. He couldn’t believe it. Tsukishima beat him at his own game. First at knowing more memes and second at beating him last time by emailing all of the teams they played against, and their own team, the fanfiction and letter Tanaka gave to blondie McFreaking Lose It.

Tsukishima was the ultimate meme overlord.

“Hey, man. Feel better. I hate to be that guy, but I haven’t spent time with Asahi, and…” Nishinoya bit his lip and sighed. “It’s cool if you want me to stay though like--”

“Nah, bro. Have fun with your boytoy.”

“I’m not--”

“Shush, Asahi! Can’t you see he’s suffering?” Nishinoya glared at his inconsiderate boyfriend. What nerve. He turned back to his friend curled up in a ball on the floor next to the huge ass room they registered in. The doors were still open, but no one was in there.

“Well, I’ll see you in a bit, Ryuu.” And with a pat on the shoulder, Nishinoya and his large boyfriend went off to go do gay things and possibly be banned in yet another place in San Antonio. Good guy Tanaka sighed. He sighed at the thought of losing the meme war, and at the fact that he was still 5eva alone.

“Hey, can I sit next to you?”

“Oh, yeah.” It was Ennoshita.

“Sorry you’re feeling so down.”

“Nah, it’s cool. Tsukishima still an asshole so.” The raven laughed. Huh. The bald headed male never would have thought his laugh would be so cute.

“Yeah.”

“So, we’re the third wheelers of the group.”

“Yeah, basically.” Ennoshita shrugged. Tanaka gulped. Should he just--

“Can I say something crazy?” Ennoshita shot him a puzzled look.

“As long as it’s not another meme, I guess, yeah.” What the poor boy didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. Or so, that’s what Tanaka thought anyway. Memes were a part of him. And if he wanted to take the next step in this relationship, the other had to accept his eccentric part.

“Will you marry me?” Wait fuck. He was supposed to do the whole Frozen thing and maybe break out into song, not propose in a Pepe costume while sitting on the dirty ass floor with his friend who he hasn’t even thought of dating before. The raven seemed to think the same as he awkwardly laughed.

“Uh, I think I’d like to be taken out first before I think of marrying you.” Well, it wasn’t a total rejection. Tanaka would take what he could get. Especially if it meant taking out the other. Ennoshita wasn’t half bad when it came to looks and his initial idea of Ennoshita, Narika, and Kinnoshita being in a polyamorous group seemed to be wrong. Huh. He rubbed his green hands in glee. Perfect.

“How does Olive Garden sound?”  
“Like bad Italian food and weird family gatherings.”

“Why must you kinkshame me in my own house?”

“Goddammit, Tanaka.” Ennoshita chuckled anyway. It was a pleasant sound. “Let me handle the date details.” The old wing spiker lit up. His grin grew wider and wider until for the first time in his life, he didn’t think solely about memes. He thought of cliche fireworks, Katy Perry singing that terrible song about fireworks with literal fireworks exploding out of her boobs, someone setting literal fire in his heart, and Ennoshita. Mainly Ennoshita though.

“Okay!” His grin turned dopy. He scored a date! Young stud Tanaka Ryuunosuke was still able to get some! He suffered from a lot of defeat, and some mistakes, but mainly because of assholes like Tsukishima, but he still won in the end! He now had a possible _boyfriend._

“Do you like the colors of the sky?”

“Is this a meme?”

“You catch on quick, dear!”

“Oh my god, what have I signed up for?”

“A good time!”

****  
  


 

 

BONUS:

****  
  


“This year, I lost my teammate, Tsukishima Kei.”

“QUIT TELLING EVERYONE I’M DEAD!”

“Sometimes, I can still hear his voice…” Tanaka dramatically cried as he sprawled himself all around the stranger he was talking to. At first they looked sympathetic, but at hearing Tsukishima’s yell, the person looked confused and a bit nervous (because hey ghosts are very much real). Tanaka smiled brightly after his little act and waved at the other person, narrowly avoiding a furious Tsukishima who kept chasing after him so he would stop telling people he was fucking dead already.

In the background, Kagehina snickered to themselves with hands interlocked, Daisuga ignored them in order to buy prints, Asanoya made out near the bathrooms in the Dealer’s Room, Kiyoyachi bought each other matching lolita dresses, and Tsukkiyama were hunting down the newly formed Ennotaka in the midst of the crowd.

While running away, Ennoshita held Tanaka’s hand the whole time, and it never felt more right than at that moment. Tanaka secretly, sincerely smiled.

“You meme so much to me,” he whispers as they jog away into the sunset.

****  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok first things first. I went to San Japan. I loved it. I went with my ex girlfriend and it was really fun !! When Tsukishima plays that one game in the Game Room it's based off of a real experience bc there was a really cute and cool huge Tsukki cosplayer who was doing exactly what Tsukishima was doing in the game and like they were really cute /)\\\\\\(\
> 
> also s/o to the Yamaguchi cosplayer from San Japan who looked really good in their cosplay and is also 1000% cute 0w0b
> 
> Second, Im p sure this whole fic is done. Idk if there will be more but we'll see?? Don't bet on it tho?? 
> 
> And finally, pls pls pls draw fanart?? Like you don't have to but that would be really cool !! you can tag it under either hq meme or suckmyaphnordicks........ Thanks lovelies! <3

**Author's Note:**

> delete this


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